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W.A. Porter Elementary

Lisa Loper

  • Clueless

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 3/26/2013 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.
     

    Dear Ms. Loper,

    There’s this girl in my class that I like to play with. But every time I try to play with her, she won’t play with me. She doesn’t even really talk to me. Is she bullying me? What should I do?

    Sincerely,

    Clueless

     

    Dear Clueless,

    First off, I don’t really think you’re clueless – I think you just might need a couple of tips on how to handle this.

    Based on the situation you described, you are not being bullied. It sounds like this girl in your class is just someone who is not a good friend for you. Good friends are those who want to play with you and get to know you. Since you have tried to play with her and talk to her, but it hasn’t worked, I suggest you try to find someone else who would be a better friend.

    If this girl in your class is calling you names, hurting your body or gossiping about you, then that would be a different story. That would be bullying. If those things are happening, then you need to report it to your teacher right away. However, if she is simply choosing not be your friend by not playing with you and talking with you, that is her choice. (It is a sad choice for her because you are wonderful! But it’s still her choice.)

    I think you should continue to be kind and respectful to this young lady, but work on putting your time and energy into making friends with people who want to be with you and who make you feel good.

    Clueless, it’s hard when we try to be someone’s friend, but it just doesn’t work out. I think it’s time to find a different friend – I know you can do because you are one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,

    Ms. Loper
    Comments (0)

  • Truth?

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 3/5/2013 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.
     

    Dear Ms. Loper,

    When I ask my friends if I can play with them they always say they are too busy, but I don’t know if they are telling the truth. I really want to play with them. What do I do?

    Sincerely,

    Truth

     

    Dear Truth,

    I can tell it hurts your feelings when your friends always say they are too busy to play. Here’s the hard thing to understand. Just like you can’t make your friends play with you, you also can’t make them tell the truth. It’s really not up to you to figure out if they’re telling the truth. That’s something that their conscience can determine for themselves.

    You can ask your friends to play, but if they tell you they are too busy, find someone else to play with. You can even ask your friends to play every day, but if they tell you every day they are too busy, then you need to find others who have plenty of time to play with you. I want you to play with friends who are kind, enjoy being with you and make you feel good.

    Since you know how it feels for others to tell you they can’t play with you, I encourage you to be accepting and kind when others want to play with you. I know you have great friendship skills, so I know you can choose friends who will make you feel great! And always remember, you are one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,

    Ms. Loper
    Comments (0)

  • Ignored

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 1/29/2013 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.
     
    Dear Ms. Loper,
     
    I have a problem with two girls in my class. They keep ignoring me. In the first semester, they would always ask me to play, but now they don't. I  try talking to them, but they interrupt me. I tell them they interrupted me, but then they say I don't listen, but I do. I can also see other girls getting their feelings hurt. I am always nice to them, so I expected them to be nice to me. Please help.
     
    Sincerely,
    Ignored
     

    Dear Ignored,

    It sounds like your feelings are getting hurt by the two girls in your class who don’t ask you to play. Whenever your feelings are hurt, I think the first thing to do is to let them know. You could use an I-message. You might say, “I feel ignored when you don’t ask me to play because it makes me feel left out. I would like to play with you.” When you say your I-message, replace the underlined words with your own words.

    If the girls in your class choose to stop ignoring you after you say your I-message, that’s wonderful! A couple of Porter Panthers left comments about your letter on my blog. They suggested that if the girls in your class choose to continue to ignore you and say false things about you, then you can choose to play with someone who is kind to you. Lauren Aswad left a reminder that you must be kind and respectful to everyone, but you don’t have to play with people who are unkind.

    Ignored, talk to the girls in your class and let them know how you feel. Then remember that YOU get to choose your friends. Choose those people who uplift you and make you feel good. Always remember, you are one amazing young lady!

    Sincerely,

    Ms. Loper
    Comments (4)

  • Un-gifted

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 1/22/2013 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.
     
    Dear Ms. Loper,
     
    The other day my friend was giving me a present and then my other friend came over to us. As my friend was giving me my gift, my other friend said, "Hey! I already claimed that one. You can have this one instead." Then she took it out of my hands and gave me the gift that was supposed to be hers. I was really confused. Aren't we supposed to accept the gift that is given us? What should I do? Please help!
     
    Thanks,
    Un-gifted
     
     

    Dear Un-gifted,

    You are exactly right. It shows good manners when you graciously accept a gift that is given to you. That means, when someone gives you a gift, you tell them thank you, even if there was something else you wanted more. It is not polite to tell the person giving you a gift that you don’t like what was received. It is also impolite to take a gift from someone else.

    You have a couple of choices in your circumstance. You could choose to accept the gift that you ended up with, even though it is not the one your friend intended to give you. If this is something you’re willing to live with, then you can come away with the knowledge that you did the right thing by being gracious.

    If you simply cannot overcome your frustrations about your other friend taking the gift intended for you, then you can talk to her about it. You could use an I-message to explain how you felt. It’s also an option to tell her that you’d like to exchange the gifts. However, I would like to caution you that this option might not go as you want it to. Your other friend will most likely not want to exchange the gifts. If this happens, what will you choose to do? I encourage you to really think through this choice before you go ahead with it.

    Un-gifted, I’m proud of you for being gracious and accepting a gift from your friend with good manners. I know your friend appreciated that. You have to decide what you’re willing to live with – can you live with the gift you end up with or do you feel like you need to talk to your other friend about what she did? I know you’ll really think through what you want to do, because you are one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,

    Ms. Loper
    Comments (1)

  • Line Troubles

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 1/8/2013
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.

    Dear Ms. Loper,
     
    One of my friends really likes to be in the front of the line, and it gets to the point where she hits people to do it. When I go to tell the teacher, she moves. What do I do?
     
    Sincerely,
    Line Troubles
     
     
    Dear Line Troubles,
     
    Wow - hitting to be at the front of the line is definitely something you need to talk with your teacher about! My recommendation, first of all, is for you to get in line like you know you should: walk to the line and do not push or shove, think of the feelings of your classmates, even allow others to get ahead of you. Secondly, if you see your friend hitting, talk to the teacher. It is not okay to hurt others, so your teacher needs to be involved.
     
    I know it bothers you that your friend is not following the rules. You can set an example for her by doing what you are supposed to be doing. If you see her hurting others, get her help by talking to the teacher - your teacher can help her learn the right way to line up.
     
    Line Troubles, make good choices for yourself and allow the teacher to help your friend. And always remember, you are one amazing kiddo!
     
    Sincerely,
    Ms. Loper
    Comments (1)

  • Worried Friend

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 12/18/2012 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.

    Dear Ms. Loper,
     
    My friends and I were playing a game when one of my friends got upset. We had to go in from recess right then, but my friend was in a different class so I couldn't help him. What should I do?
     
    Sincerely,
    Worried Friend
     

    Dear Worried Friend,

    You are a very kind and caring friend – you show that by being concerned about your friend’s feelings.

    Samantha in Mrs. Scott’s class read your letter and posted an excellent response on my blog. She said, “Whenever you get to see that person again, you should just ask him how he’s doing and if he felt comfortable with that game. Then try to help him whenever possible and show some empathy!”

    That’s great advice, Samantha! Worried, remember that you can’t solve any problems by worrying and feeling anxious. However, by showing empathy and listening to friends, you can let them know you care.

    Keep being kind, but don’t worry. And always remember, you are one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,

    Ms. Loper
    Comments (1)

  • Nobody

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 12/11/2012 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.

    Dear Ms. Loper,
     
    People keep picking on me and making fun of me because of when I was born and when my birthday is. They also pick on me because I always ask what's wrong when they look sad. I'm just trying to make them feel better. I feel like people push me around and treat me like I'm nobody. What can I do?
     
    Sincerely,
    Nobody
     
     
    Dear Nobody,

    First of all, you are not a nobody. You are somebody very special and important. I need you to hear that and know that. I value you very much and am sad that you are hurt because of the unkind words and actions of others.

    If someone makes fun of your birthday, you can use an I-message to let them know that hurts your feelings. I-messages tell: 1) how you feel, 2) why you feel that way, 3) what you would like to happen. So it would go something like this. “I feel embarrassed when you make fun of my birthday. I want you to not do that again.” I-messages make sure that the other person knows how their words affect you.

    If you use an I-message and they don’t stop, you can simply say, “Stop making fun of me – that’s bullying.” Then walk away and tell a teacher or other trusted adult what has been happening.

    Finally, if someone snaps at you when you try to help them because they are sad, then next time you might consider helping in a different way. Rather than asking them what’s wrong, you might simply pat them on the back, write them an encouraging note, or notify the teacher that you think something is going on with them. Continue to be kind, but try a different act of kindness to see if you get different results.

    I can tell that you are an amazingly kind friend. Keep up the good work! If someone hurts your feelings, use an I-message to try to work through it. Seek help from your teachers if you need to. And always remember that you are someone special and one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,
    Ms. Loper
    Comments (0)

  • Cheated

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 12/4/2012 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.
     
    Dear Ms. Loper,
     
    At recess my friends and I play a really fun game, but some of my friends cheat. All of my other friends say we should leave, but I don't think that's right. So Ms. Loper, please help me!
     
    Sincerely,
    Cheated
     
    Dear Cheated,

    It’s no fun to play a game when other players cheat, is it? I think the first thing that you could do is make sure that everyone understands the rules of the game before you start playing. Every time you play, simply review the rules of the game and answer any questions before you start playing.

    While you’re playing, if someone cheats, you could say, “I only play games when people follow the rules.” Then, if someone cheats or breaks a rule, you could leave the game like your other friends suggested.

    Cheated, it’s up to you if you want to continue playing a game with people who cheat. If everyone understands rules, but they break them, then you can choose to keep playing with them. If it bothers you though, you can choose to leave the game. The choice is yours. No matter what you choose, always remember, you are one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,
    Ms. Loper
    Comments (0)

  • Torn Between Friends

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 10/30/2012 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.

    Dear Ms. Loper,

    I have two good friends. They are both really great friends and I like hanging around both of them. But they don't like each other. Whenever I play with one friend, the other friend says mean things about the other one and then asks, "What did she say about me?" The same thing happens when I play with my other friend. It makes me feel really stressed out and I don't know what to do! Can you help me?

     
    Sincerely,

     

    Torn Between Friends

     
    Dear Torn Between Friends,
    I can imagine you are stressed out when your friends say mean things about the other. Just like we talked about last week, this is a form of gossiping – talking behind someone’s back – and it’s not okay. If your friends start to say mean things, you can say, “You are saying unkind things about my friend and it makes me feel stressed out. I don’t want to participate in this conversation. Please stop talking about my friend.”
    If your friend asks you what the other friend said about her, you might say, “I value our friendship too much to get in the middle of your disagreement. Let’s talk about something else.”
    Torn Between Friends, it’s important that you stand up for yourself by choosing not get involved in the disagreement between your friends. That’s a tough situation to be in, but I know you have the courage to do what is right – because you are one amazing kiddo!
    Sincerely,
    Ms. Loper
    Comments (0)

  • Sad

    Posted by Lisa Loper at 10/16/2012 8:00:00 AM
    For the third year in a row, our school will be doing Letters to Ms. Loper, in which students write to Ms. Loper, the school counselor, concerning a problem or issue. Ms. Loper responds to the letter with her thoughts and advice. Ms. Loper shares some of the letters on the announcements. This year, students will also have an opportunity to share their advice on other students’ letters. Please read the letter below and leave comments with your advice and thoughts. Ms. Loper will share student letters and advice on the announcements.

    Dear Ms. Loper,

    My friend told me that two of my others friends said something mean about me behind my back. It hurt my feelings. I don’t know what to do. Please help!

    Sincerely,

    Sad

     
    Dear Sad,

    When people talk about you behind your back, that is called gossiping. Gossip is hurtful. I’m sorry this happened to you.

    Several people read your letter on my blog and wrote responses to you. Mrs. Hallman’s class suggested that you talk with your two friends to see if they said the mean things. They also said you might use an I-message with your friends to say, “I felt sad when you said mean things. I need you to stop saying those mean things.” Some other students suggested that you just ignore the mean comments and play with someone else.

    I think those are all great recommendations. I also would like to remind you, and all our Porter Panthers, that if someone says something mean about a friend of yours, don’t go tell your friend. It will only make your friend sad and hurt. What you CAN do is tell the person who said the mean thing that you are not willing to listen to their unkind comments. For example you might say, “You are saying mean things about other people. I don’t want to participate in this conversation. Please stop talking about my friend.”

    You don’t need to be rude when you ask the person to stop saying mean things. Just be calm and state the fact that you aren’t going to listen. If the person continues to talk about it, choose to leave the conversation.

    Sad, you may choose to talk to your friends and ask them if they said the mean things, or you may choose to ignore the comments – either one is a good option. Since you’ve been through this experience now, I’m sure you won’t tell your friends about gossip that you’ve heard – that just hurts people’s feelings. I know you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings because you are one amazing kiddo!

    Sincerely,
    Ms. Loper
     
    Comments (4)

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Last Modified on March 26, 2013